Sunday, November 8, 2009


dont you just love them (Not)

boy have we had some doozy's.

After all these years of watching my kids I wonder if in fact they are a type of epileptic fit? My girl described it so well years ago when she said "It's like someone else comes in and takes over my body. I dont want to say these things I dont know where they come from they just come out.

For a long time my kids would not even know they had gone off their nut and would say "No I didn't do that at all you are making it up" That is why I wonder if they might not be related to a fit of some sort.

So what I have found is they are a cry for help. Your child is unable to realise that they are stressed by something and they are a warning to you that they are getting overloaded. You need to have a look at what is going on in their lives to see what might be the problem. Sometimes the triggers are not the cause but are simply telling you that something is going wrong in their life that they cant handle.

For example my girl had a monster meltdown in the supermarket when she was in year 7 superficially it was because I refused to give her extra money to spend. In reality it was her reaction to the extreme distress her brother was in over school issues.

Some times you can head the meltdowns off at the pass. If my girl is one track minding on something she has to be able to tell someone about it. This drives her brother absolutely frantic sometimes and he wont allow her to continue. If she does he will blow up. So I have to get my girl to come and tell me whatever it is she is needing to say. That seems to help.

Sometimes meltdowns seem to come out of nowhere. You cant find a reason for them on the day and nothing that you do makes a difference. In situations like this often a few days later you will find that they are ill, sometimes a bone may be broken (guilty of that one when ds was playing and hit his arm on my bedstead he broke it and I sent him to bed with panadol. Fantastic Mum hey? lol) once three days after a massive meltdown my guy developed an abscess in his scalp.

Othertimes you just cant get a handle on what is going on but a few weeks or months down the track you realise that oh my goodness your child has made a massive leap in learning somewhere.

things you as a parent need to know about meltdowns. They dont mean your child hates you. Poor thing is so overwhelmed that they cant even think. They have no chance of stopping and being able to say Hey Mum I didn't like you changing the plans on me.

Diary's can be an amazing tool in working out what the problem is. The more detailed the better.

On one of those really tuff days when it feels like this is never ever going to end remember that the person who your child is today is not the person they will be forever. I know it can seem like you struggle to get them to learn anything but they will learn it and I can guarantee that they will have better manners and social regard then half of the kids in their class.

Dont forget you have 20 years to teach them all they need to know. It is a falacy that kids will only learn with early intervention. They continue to learn into their adult hood and further.

On a bad day give yourself a break. You are doing a fabulous job make sure you reward yourself for it. You will be a better parent for it.

1 comment:

  1. So true Donna, thanks so much for your thoughts. Its encouraging to hear that in time Grace may be able to recognise and articulate what goes on. I had to laugh at your DD's comment that it's "Like someone comes and takes over my body..." Jarrod & I have an expression that "The mother-ship has come!" When it seems a sensory overload is approaching and the ears stop working!!

    Grace's meltdowns definately seem to be in response to her sensory issues, but you raise good points about using a diary to look beyond the immediate environment, and consider other contributing life-factors.

    I definately have a lot to learn from your experience with teenagers having already tread this path.

    See you on Saturday, Jarrod will bring Grace up this afternoon for her ride!

    Deb x