Thursday, November 26, 2009

Death, dying and those hard to discuss topics

I came back from a lovely meeting at the park to the potential for something nasty to be going on with my Dads health and I remember when I was faced with having to explain to my children about death and dying when my Grandmother was very ill and looked like she was going to die.

Sometimes our kids dont register or express emotions the same way others do and at times can come across as incredibly callous and hard. I have heard of asd kids laughing at talk of death simply because they dont understand why everyone is upset. It can be worth explaining to the kids what is appropriate behaviour and what is not.

For my kids I have given them free access to any animal documentary that was on show and so sex, breeding and death have always been an acceptable topic of conversation to the consternation of others at times I am sure.

Everyone has their own ideas of what they should tell their children but just remember where our kids are coming from. They dont understand round about hidden discussions and need everything laid out in black and white saying Grandma has gone to heaven to live with god was never going to cut it with them.

Their first introduction to death was the death of dearly loved pet mice, then Grandma. And it seemed like she sort of fell off the planet and out of their minds, not long after my beautiful dog who had been there their entire lives had to be put to sleep due to heart problems. My son was a little quiet about it. I think said he would miss him and that was all. But as the years went by every now and again out would pop a little comment that showed how much our loved animals and family were missed and the memories shared together to laugh and chuckle over.

Sometimes our kids grieve more it seems for their favourite toy then for people. But the favourite toy doesn't get talked about years later.

Such a morbid topic. sorry about that but sometimes it is worth having a look at these topics to decide what it is you would like to say to your children. If you are grieveing you wont have the mind power to make a lot of sense in your choices. It can be worth thinking about this one.

My kids and I have talked about death, who would look after them if I died and the issues of organ donation. Kind of like my umbrella policy. If you take it it nevers rains. I hope if we talk about it it is something that wont ever be needed at least not for a long long time.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Donna, lovely to see you yesterday, I hope your Father is ok. See you for Grace's ride in the morning, should get there around 10:15ish to see the end of J's lesson.